Dear Foofri,
If I weren’t so desperate to see you, I’d be angry enough to shake you. How could you possibly think your life wasn’t worth anything, that you wouldn’t be missed if you were gone? I’ve barely survived this last month of not being able to talk to you—if you had died, I doubt I’d be able to get out of bed ever again.
I’m unspeakably grateful to Muse for saving your life, and I swear I’ll stop taking you for granted and be the friend you deserve. One thing I have already done. I took your account of how you destroyed the wraiths, censored the personal bits, and sent it to the Dorthwany Daily, journalism division, as the scoop of the century. When you come back from the Outskirts, you will receive a welcome that will decide, once and for all, whether you are “the person no one takes notice of.”
My side of the story is rather embarrassing, compared to yours. After Muse disappeared with my last letter (I wished I’d known that was the last time I’d see him. I would have kissed him or something—he would have hated that. Even though I didn’t think I liked him very much, it’s hard not to be able to say goodbye), I read yours (the one you’d sent before your self-immolating heroism in the Pass) and the excerpts from Sean. (By the way, I suspect the censored sections were the most interesting. I suppose some things, like love letters, should be kept private even between cousins.)
Damorin and the troll brothers didn’t return to the cave until that evening, by which time I had eaten so many munches that I actually thought I never wanted to see another munch ever again (insanity, utter insanity). Lucenza wouldn’t believe me when I said I didn’t have any room for the lavish dinner she had prepared, so I slipped out as soon as I could to get away from her kindly bullying. I found myself a nice, flat boulder and watched the stars coming out.
After a while, Damorin emerged from the caves, as I had rather hoped he would. “How was your day?” I asked, as he leaned against my rock. The height of the rock put us on about eye level, and he was distractingly close. I had to push my hand hard against a sharp crevice to stay focused.
“We hiked to a vantage point over Fort Thunderhall. It’s crawling with extra troops.”
“Wonderful,” I muttered. “They must really miss us back there.”
“I’m not worried about the soldiers. With the help of our troll friends, we could probably elude them forever.”
I sighed. “But we can’t hide forever. We have to go home.”
“And we will, as soon as our enemies make a move. Valerian can contact the trolls through the Underground, and we’ll be ready to act. But we have to wait for them to commit themselves.”
“To another assassination attempt?” I asked.
“Probably.”
“Isn’t there something we could do hurry things along? Push them into acting? I could always go back and let Winterfast try to kill me again.”
“It doesn’t have quite the same legal consequences when you’re already running from the law.”
“I suppose,” I reluctantly agreed. Not only was I itching to bring well deserved justice to Winterfast and company, but the thought of spending even a week with the trolls made my stomach ache. I would probably gain fifteen pounds. “Damorin …”
“Yes?” he prompted when I didn’t go on.
“I wanted to apologize for shouting at you the other night.” I felt very guilty over the fight I’d provoked between us to cover my planned escape.
He turned and looked at me, our faces only inches apart. “I understand.”
I hoped that meant he forgave me, but I was having trouble thinking clearly. Desperate to put some space back between us, I demanded, “ But why didn’t you tell me you were my guardian? It was such an unnecessary secret.”
“I told you why. It was irrelevant.” I thought he sounded a little frustrated, so I pushed on.
“It wasn’t irrelevant to me,” I protested. “And don’t tell me it was because of the Suldan Stones.”
“It wasn’t,” he said unexpectedly. “If you must know, I insisted on the secrecy. It was an empty legal title I wanted to discharge as easily and quietly as possible.”
“But wouldn’t it have been easier if I had known? We might not have had so many fights. If I had known my grandfather had invested you with authority …”
“That is precisely the point,” he interrupted. “Jalwa, Cora, you think I wanted your Grandfather’s authority over you?”
“I see.” I did. I don’t know why I’d been so slow. Of course Damorin hadn’t wanted to be saddled with me. It must have been very irritating to have the responsibility thrust on him like that, but he’d accepted out of friendship for Grandfather. I was practically writhing with humiliation, but I forced myself to say, “It was very kind of you.”
“You think I was being kind?”
“Considering your obvious feelings in the matter, yes.” He seemed to be leaning even closer, and I tried to look away without obviously looking away. “It was very self-sacrificing, and … I’m grateful.”
“You’re grateful in spite of my obvious feelings,” he reiterated, and now that I remember it, I think he actually sounded angry, which wasn’t fair at all, considering that I was trying to recognize the burden he’d taken on, but at the time all I could think about was how hard my heart was pounding, and that I couldn’t feel the rock biting into my hand at all.
I tried to go on. “Yes, I am grateful, and …”
And then I lost my head. I don’t know how else to explain it. But he was right there. And I
Well
I kissed him. And it wasn’t a sisterly peck of good will either.
Somehow my hands got all tangled up in his hair as I pulled his face against mine, and when our lips touched, I knew it was going to be exactly like our kiss at the ball, only, possibly, better. I leaned forward, ready to slip off the rock and into his arms, and then I nearly fell face first onto the ground, as he stepped back, out of reach.
“I do not need your tokens of gratitude,” he said, and I can’t even explain how furious he sounded. I tried to stammer an apology, but he didn’t stick around to listen. And I ran back to the caves, wanting to crawl into an abandoned crevice and never, ever be seen again.
You know a lot of what happened next. I awoke in the middle of the night to find the thing I thought was you standing over me in the dark. It put a finger over its lips and beckoned me to follow it out of the caves. I did, of course, without question. And then, when I found myself surrounded by wraiths, and poor Arturo dead, and the creatures claiming they’d destroyed you and Damorin, I was so angry. I wanted to kill all of them, and I wanted them to suffer while it happened. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling like that, but I’m certain I could do it again if ever anybody is stupid enough to tell me they’ve just murdered all of my favorite people.
At any rate, I was going to throw everything I had, life-force and all, at the one who had impersonated you, but just before I launched my spell, something brushed the edge of my consciousness. It was Damorin’s magic, and I don’t know how I knew that, except that it smelled like him, if that makes any sense. I didn’t know what or how he was doing it, or if I was only imagining it, but I automatically opened my mind to it—just a fraction, and that was enough. My magic exploded out of me, running along his like heat through copper and it hurt, and then I fainted, or, judging by what you said in your letter, fell into hibernation. I suppose it wasn’t all that different from what happened to you and Muse, except that Muse was strong enough to keep the flow of magic all going into you, which is why you ended up with both sets of powers.
The next thing I remember is waking up in Damorin’s laboratory. I recognized it from visits I’d made during my apprenticeship, which was a good thing since I was all alone. I sat up, feeling dizzy, and tried to piece together my memories of what had happened in the Pass. The dizziness subsided after a minute, which helped to clear my head. It was quite awful, remembering, but I had reason to hope that you and Damorin were actually alive. I desperately wished I hadn’t been abandoned and that I had some way of immediately finding out what was happening. And then I finally recalled that the Suldan Stones were still hanging around my neck.
I slipped down to the floor and dumped them out onto the rug. Very carefully, and still fighting off moments of dizziness, I figured out which Stone was which, and then, using the Stone of sight, I looked for you. I saw you with Lucenza in the caves in the Pass. Arturo’s corpse was laid out, and you were both sobbing on each other’s shoulder. You looked miserable, but healthy and very alive, so with a sigh of thankfulness and relief, I let go of the Stone and let my mind rest for a moment before I searched for Damorin.
I saw him in Lastra’s office, along with Sean and your father. He looked exhausted, but not damaged. I added the Stone of hearing in time to hear Lastra say, “The emperor is safe for the moment, and we’ve gathered enough evidence to arrest Winterfast, if he hadn’t disappeared.”
“Ameliorene’s the greater threat,” Damorin interjected.
Lastra ran both hands through his hair, making it all stand on end like a wild, woolly bush. “I believe you. But we have no proof. If we could just get our hands on Farnswell, but he’s disappeared, along with Winterfast and his so-called grandson. But we can’t march into the Residency and tell the emperor his daughter is trying to kill him before we can prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.”
I let go of the Stones then, because the colors in the room were starting to increase in intensity, but as soon as I had rested, I picked up the Stone of seeing again, and looked for Winterfast.
I found him in Grandfather’s study, in my house, the last place anyone would ever look for him. With the princess, and the emperor, who was tied to a chair. Winterfast and Ameliorene were arguing, but I was so shocked, that I dropped the Stones before I could learn what the argument was about. Obviously, Lastra had made a mistake about the well being of his imperial highness.
I picked up the Stones of hearing and sight again, and this time I saw Ameliorene with a knife pressed against her father’s throat. “Ami, why are you doing this?’ he was pleading pitifully, his double chin trembling.
“Should we stage it here or in her bedroom?” Ameliorene asked, and I realized that they were making one last attempt to frame me. Or maybe Ameliorene just got a warm, fuzzy feeling over the idea of murdering her father in my bed.
I think Winterfast had a pretty good idea that their plans had gone so far astray that there was no real hope of success because he said, “Princess, I must urge you to reconsider the idea of using your father as a hostage to gain our freedom.”
“You incompetent coward,” she hissed, whirling around to glare at him. “You sent an entire pack of wraiths after Cordelimaera Demestheln, and she’s still not dead. Any plan you’ve thought up is bound to be a dismal failure.”
Her voice grew unnaturally shrill, and I dropped the Stones, trying to think through the wave of nausea. There was no time to alert anyone or call for help. Ameliorene could stick her knife into her father at any second, and I was the only one who even knew the emperor was in danger.
I’d never actually done a transport spell before, and I don’t think I could have done this one if it had been to anywhere I knew less well than my home. I left the Suldan Stones on the floor for Damorin to find. If this turned out badly, as it probably would, I at least would not put that weapon into the hands of the enemy.
The spell went well until the very end. I saw the front door of my house materializing in front of me, and then my magic suddenly slipped away. I desperately reached out, grabbed the front step, and literally pulled myself back into the present dimension.
Before I could regain my equilibrium or find my feet, a rough hand grabbed my hair and something cold and sharp pressed against my throat. “Don’t move, Maera,” Jamin warned.
In my alarm for the emperor, I had forgotten that Jamin hadn’t been inside with Winterfast and the princess. I shut my eyes in an effort to forget about the knife at my throat so that I could think.
“You’re going to stand up very slowly,” Jamin ordered.
I complied, my mind racing. I remembered Winterfast pleading for me at my trial and Ameliorene saying, “Winterfast was unexpectedly sentimental about you.” I remembered Jamin telling me that he loved me.
“Don’t do this,” I pleaded. “This isn’t what you want.”
He nudged me toward the door. “How do you know what I want?” he asked, sounding bitter.
“You want your rightful place in your family. You want your inheritance. You don’t want to be a murderer and a traitor. I know you don’t.” I tried to put conviction into my tone, although it was very hard.
He hesitated and the pressure of the knife lessened. I pressed on, “You must know that none of the plans will work now. Your grandfather knows and that’s why he’s in there arguing with Ameliorene right now. Jamin …” I took a risk and tried to turn so that I could look at his face. He let me. “You must have realized that she’s insane. She doesn’t care about you or your grandfather. If betraying you gets her what she wants, she’ll do it without a second thought.”
I could tell by his expression that he believed me, and I pursued my advantage. “It’s not too late. Save the emperor, and all your crimes will be forgiven.” I actually wasn’t sure about that, but it was not the time to get technical.
Still he hesitated, fear in his face. “My grandfather is a powerful magi. If he learns I’ve betrayed him, he’ll kill me.”
“Just let me into the house,” I pleaded. “I’ll say I slipped past you. Jamin, please. You … you said you loved me.” Then I did the most disgusting thing I could think of. I kissed him.
I’ll skip over the icky details. Suffice it to say that the last of his resistance melted. He did want to run away together instead of going inside to rescue the emperor, but I told him that he wouldn’t love me so much if I didn’t honor my oath to the Council, and I also pointed out that it was much nicer to be a hero than a fugitive.
My plan was for me to take out Winterfast with a surprise binding spell, and for Jamin to grab the princess. Hoping we weren’t too late, I formed my spell as we crouched outside the study doors. When I had it ready to fling, I signaled Jamin and we burst through together.
We did take them by surprise, and the plan would have gone perfectly, had my magic not suddenly drained away as I flung my spell. I staggered, almost too dizzy to stay upright. Ameliorene screamed, and Winterfast hit Jamin with the same spell I’d been planning on using.
“Betray me, will you, you cowardly dog?” I heard him snarl as the room swirled around me. By the time I could see straight, both Winterfast and Ameliorene had turned their attention to me. I automatically threw up my hands, but it was as though I’d never had any magic at all.
Winterfast, who had been set to block whatever I threw, stared at me with dawning comprehension. “She’s lost her magic in the Pass.”
“She’s powerless?” Ameliorene smiled like someone had just handed her the whole Realm wrapped up with a big, red bow.
Winterfast looked at the emperor (still alive but looking terrified enough to keel over with a heart attack any second), then back at me. “She’ll be a valuable second hostage. We’ll be able to bargain for our complete freedom,” he said.
“Don’t be stupid, old man. This is the best possible thing that could have happened. Don’t you see, after succeeding in her diabolical plan to kill my father, she killed herself, in a tardy fit of remorse.” She actually laughed as she said it.
Winterfast looked pained but resigned. “What do you want me to do?”
“Winterfast, please,” I begged, but he wouldn’t look at me.
Ameliorene shot him a look of contempt. “Nothing. I’ll do it myself.” She raised her dagger and started toward me.
I at least had my balance, if not my magic, back, and I grabbed the poker from the hearth. I took a wild swing at her head as she lunged at me, forcing her to swerve aside. She came at me again, I sidestepped, dropped the poker, and jumped on her back.
Ameliorene shrieked like a dissolving wraith and swiped backward with her knife, just nicking my temple, and then she fell over, taking both of us to the ground. I landed on top and got a good double handful of her hair, managing to pin her head to the floor.
That was how Damorin and Lastra found us when they charged through the door. Damorin pulled me off, and Lastra clapped a binding spell on the princess before she could say a word. “Where’s the emperor?” he demanded. Only then, as I looked around the study, did I realize that both Winterfast and the emperor were gone.
“Winterfast’s taken him. I don’t think they can have left the house yet.” I pointed at the other door of the study, which now stood open, and Lastra raced through it.
“Are you all right?” Damorin asked, brushing a hand across my cheek. I nearly wept for joy at the gentle touch, until I saw the blood on his fingers and realized he was only checking my injury.
“Fine,” I said shortly, pulling away, and he ran after Lastra.
I was still trying to figure out whether I should follow them or stay put and guard the prisoner, when Sean ran into the room.
“You’re late,” I told him.
“I had to secure the perimeter of the grounds,” he replied. “What’s happening?”
“Winterfast has the emperor. Lastra and Damorin are in pursuit.” A loud thumping erupted directly overhead, and I looked at the ceiling. “I think they got him.”
Sean looked at the bound princess and raised one eyebrow. Then he looked at the other bound figure and raised both eyebrows. Walking over, he nudged Jamin with his boot. “Well, brother, I can’t really say it’s good to see you again.”
Jamin glared up at him. “Take off this spell.”
“Oh no.” Sean seemed to be enjoying himself. “I don’t think so. For once, you are right where I want you.”
“You don’t understand. I helped save the emperor,” Jamin said.
“It’s true,” I affirmed.
Sean looked at me in disbelief, then shrugged and released Jamin. “But don’t think you’re going anywhere,” he warned.
Jamin shot him another poisonous glare, and made an elaborate show of brushing off his clothes.
There were footsteps in the passage outside, and then Lastra entered, escorting the emperor. Damorin came behind, with Winterfast securely shackled. The emperor looked very shaken, but when he saw me, he came over and took my hand. “My dear, I did you a very great wrong. I shall pardon you immediately, of course. But how was I to know that my own daughter …” He trailed off, his chins trembling.
“Your majesty, we should take you home immediately,” Lastra said, gently taking his sovereign’s arm and leading him out of the room.
Sean stepped over to the prostrate princess. “Shall I take care of this one? Apparently, my dear brother (he was loading on the sarcasm with a shovel) switched sides at the last minute, so we can’t arrest him.”
“Maera and I saved his majesty’s life,” Jamin said haughtily.
Damorin shot him a glance of what I can only describe as loathing, then nodded at Sean. “Get her up.”
Sean unfroze the princess and hauled her to her feet. She didn’t resist, only regarded each of us with her innocent blue eyes. If I hadn’t been fending off her knife ten minutes earlier, even I might have had trouble believing in her guilt.
She looked at me last and said, “So you’ve won after all. I hope you have a long and happy life with your lover.”
I was still staring at her, bewildered by her sudden display of good sportsmanship, when Jamin wrapped his arm around my shoulders and said, “She will.”
This adventure has had a lot of embarrassing moments, but that might have been the worst. Even though seducing him was the only plan I could think of to convince him to help me, I suddenly felt cheap, and far too humiliated to explain to him, right then and there in front of everybody, that I would rather spend the rest of my life softening camel hides with my teeth than marry him. So I covered my face with my hands and burst into tears.
The great advantage of hysterics is that nobody tries to ask you questions while you’re having them. I cried all the way to the Justicum and into the medical wing, where I tried to stop sobbing and explain that something was wrong with my magic. They said that they already knew, and put me to sleep.
When I awoke, it was morning, and Lastra was sitting by my bed. “Good morning, Magi,” he said, when he saw me looking at him.
“Good morning,” I said doubtfully. “Am I in trouble?”
“Not at all, Magi. I simply thought you were owed a few explanations.”
“Finally,” I sighed, rolling over as a medi-magi bustled in to check my pulse and give me a glass of orange juice.
When she was gone, Lastra cleared his throat and asked, “What would you like to know?”
I tried to pick out the most important of my myriad questions. “Is Foofri all right?”
“Oh yes. She’s doing very well indeed. She’s back in the Outskirts, but I’ve no doubt she’ll be coming home very soon.”
I sighed in relief. “How did you manage to show up in the nick of time yesterday?”
“When you transported to your estate, Magi Ardaya sensed your magic use. He transported back to his lab, and when he found that you were gone, used the Suldan Stones to find you and the emperor.”
I frowned. “What do you mean he sensed my magic use?”
Lastra pulled on his beard, looking thoughtful. “I’m sure you’ve noticed certain fluctuations in your magical abilities.”
“Yes, it was like my magic kept draining away. And I was very dizzy. Winterfast said I’d lost my magic in the Pass.”
“Oh no,” Lastra said immediately. “You haven’t lost it. But it’s a bit tangled up. You see, when Ardaya hit you with the hibernation spell in the Pass, your magic ran along his like a conduit. Because your magics interacted with each other instead of with the environment, they weren’t lost, as would normally have been the case in the Pass. But they did become … tangled. And that’s why you kept feeling like you didn’t have any magic. Whenever Ardaya performed a spell, you lost your access to your shared power. The same thing was happening to him.”
“How do we untangle ourselves?” I asked.
“I very much doubt that you can. However, Ardaya thinks that he can manage a sort of division of power that will cancel out the flux, so that you won’t be afflicted with a constant loss of power. If you’re feeling strong enough this afternoon, we’ll try it. Any more questions?”
“No,” I murmured, feeling overwhelmed, then changed my mind. “Just one. What’s happened to Winterfast and the princess?”
Lastra looked grim. “Unofficially, Winterfast and Ameliorene have both been banished. Officially, Winterfast assassinated the princess, and was then banished.”
Despite Winterfast’s betrayal, I felt saddened by the news. He did try to convince the princess not to kill me, and I think he must have deliberately botched the assassination attempts. I wished I could have spoken to him, one last time.
“And Jamin?” I asked finally.
Lastra clucked disapprovingly. “The emperor has said that young Mr. Winterfast did help you in a rescue attempt. Therefore, all of his crimes have been pardoned. He will not, however, inherit his grandfather’s estate.”
I leaned back against my pillows, exhausted all over again. “He’s not really an evil man, you know. Just weak,” I murmured, and gave into sleep.
I woke up late that afternoon, feeling much better. Someone had brought some of my own clothes, so I got dressed and was discharged with a clean bill of health (other than my tangled up magic). I remembered what Lastra had said about Damorin having a way to divide us, so I slowly made my way to his office, hoping to find him there.
He was there, as I knew as soon as I got close. I could sense his presence at a distance, which was very odd and quite unsettling. I stood staring at the door for a long minute, trying to work up my courage.
I was going to tell him that I loved him. I couldn’t help hoping that there had been some sort of terrible miscommunication that night in the Pass, that he had somehow misread my intention. At any rate, the way my heart started pounding every time he appeared, I doubted I would be able to keep my feelings hidden for very long. And I remembered the ball, and the way he had kissed me, and the mask he had given me, and I believed that he couldn’t do those things and feel absolutely indifferent toward me.
Then I realized that if I could sense his presence inside the office, then he knew I’d been lurking outside his door, so I knocked and got a curt invitation to enter. Damorin was sitting behind his desk, so intent on a pile of paperwork that he couldn’t be bothered to look up until he’d finished the page he was on. “Cordelimaera, good,” he said then, throwing down his pen and standing. “Let’s get this over with.”
It wasn’t exactly an encouraging opening, but I’d made up my mind. “Wait,” I insisted. “There’s something I have to say to you first.”
He looked at me, and I looked back, hopeful despite everything. I took a deep breath. “I’m in love with—”
“I know,” he interrupted.
“You do?” I stammered.
“You made it obvious, didn’t you?”
“Well?” I breathed. And when he remained silent, I prompted, “What do you think about it?”
“What do you want me to say, Cordelimaera? That I’m happy?”
“You’re not happy,” I said miserably.
He sighed. “I don’t blame you. One can’t always control whom one falls in love with. But I thought better of you.”
I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to scream insults or slap him or something. But the best I could do was try not to cry.
Turning his back to me, he walked to the hearth and stood before the fire. “About this matter of our combined forces.”
“It does … take some getting used to,” I managed to say.
“It is intolerable,” he said coldly. “Fortunately, I believe I have found a way to control the situation. Our condition is, so far as either Lastra or I can determine, impossible to undo, although believe me, my personal efforts on that head will be unceasing. But it is possible to provide some degree of separation. In fact, the matter is quite simple.” He turned back from the blaze, and his eyes seemed to draw burning tracks across my face. “If you’re feeling well enough, we can do it now.”
What could I say? “Yes, of course. What must I do?”
“Nothing, only your passive participation is necessary. The procedure is unpleasant but brief.”
He moved to stand in front of me, and I tried not to shudder as he framed my face in his hands, and forced my gaze to meet his own. He stared at me for an interminable second, and I felt as if those frozen gray eyes saw straight into everything I was, catalogued it, and labeled it as no account.
Damorin began to whisper, and the words of the charm fluttered about like dark birds. My own power began to stir, as the whispering continued until the air all around was filled with flitting shadows of sound. He fell silent, the charm wound itself to a brittle point, and he bent his head. For one wild moment I thought he would kiss me, dismissed the notion, and then his lips covered my own.
Even our aborted kiss in the Pass had been warm and vibrant, bringing an exhilarating sense of life. But not this. For one moment I felt the warmth of his breath, and then I was falling through eons of darkness and ice. I was being extinguished.
And then it was over. I stood alone, trying to keep my balance on the dark precipice that ran along the edge of my consciousness. Beyond that edge was an emptiness whose vastness swallowed me. I supposed that Damorin was on the other side, if it had a side. I felt very, very cold.
At last I opened my eyes, and without looking at Damorin I walked toward the door. “Goodbye, Master,” I said, and left. I never wanted to see him again.
Everything is so awful. Foofri, please, please come home.
All my love,
Cordy
